Queer Sexuality- Myths Busted 2

(This post is a part of the series Queer Sexuality-Myths Busted. A small, not all inclusive research project i did in college. I am hereby presenting a few portions of that research work so that more and more people become aware of Queer Sexuality and start seeing it in positive light.)

Movies present queers, specially the homosexuals in a different light. These people have become a subject of mockery. In the recent times there have been many movies on the silver screen which presented the queers in a very degrading way and literally mocked them on screen.  

The questions that arise are:

ñ    Shall we really laugh on the person because of his sexual orientation?

ñ    Shall we treat what we are not as demented and sick?

ñ    Shall we really go forward and think that queers are not a part of the 'normal' society and are a group of sex-maniacs?

It is a matter of pity for any sensible citizen and a matter of great embarrassment for a queer. We must understand what is natural and what should not be defined as unnatural. For those of us, who can be counted in laces, who think that queer is a totally westernized concept and is polluting the thinking of the young minds here, this research would be very useful.

The report aims at finding out what does the western and non-western society think about queer sexuality. Moreover, it also focuses on the fact that not only the queer group has been present in the pop culture, but has also been portrayed likewise. I aim at making available all the contemporary and ancient details of queer that may be helpful for the readers to as far the presence of queer in the pop society is concerned.

On a personal level, learning all that these people think while being a part of their groups and trying to  understand their psyche has been an eye-opening experience. One really does not need to peek in the bedrooms of others and decide what they should be doing.

I do not aim to justify the queer movement nor does the report in anyway support the anti-queer movement. However, the report does try to find out what exactly has been the position of queer in the society then and now, and what could be done to maintain harmony between the two groups.

Queer Sexuality- Myths Busted

(This post is the first in the series of Queer Sexuality-Myths Busted. A small, not all inclusive research project i did in college. I am hereby presenting a few portions of that research work so that more and more people become aware of Queer Sexuality and start seeing it in positive light.)


The concept of homosexuality is not new to the Indian society or to the world. In fact, most of the societies and cultures around the world have not only recognized but also accepted the existence of this normal human behavior.

The most important point to follow is that the media today is presenting the notion of homosexuality in contradictory terms. This makes the new and old generations question the existence and moral validity of queer sexuality in our country.
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There is not one but many perceptions about homosexuality in the minds of the general public. This is mostly attributed to the presentation of this issue by the media. There have been many movies and television serials in the western world that deal with the issue of queer sexuality. Not only this, the Indian film makers also took a step forward to make movies with queer sexual as central or pivotal characters in the movies. These movies not only create d a huge hustle-bustle but also contributed a lot in making people aware of the most dormant issue in the society I.e. queer sexuality.

Moreover, in India, the debate over article 377 further ignited the issue of queer as most of the people became fully aware of what the issue is all about. However, the role of media in propagation of this issue cannot be denied, we also have to take a look at how the propagation took place. No wonders the commoners became aware of the issue, but they were not yet able to make a decision as to what is right and what is wrong. They had formed perceptions regarding the queer which were not always true.

More in  the next posts....

The Atma and Nirvana- The fear of being close

many a times it has come to my notice that the people are afraid to come close to each other. Even though the natural tendencies of human nature remain that of a social animal, more and more people every day are running away from their natural want of togetherness, into closed isolated spaces that does not leave an opportunity for them to explore their true selves.
The modern life has only witnessed the evolution of a new kind of human where his ‘higher want’ of spirituality, or what I put forward as ‘atma gyan’ or self- realisation is not fulfilled.
In principle, we have always heard of the ‘atma’ or the soul to be a part of the almighty. We know that god is omnipotent and omnipresent. We know that we are an ‘ansha’ or a part of god himself. And at the end of this life we all have to go and become a part of that higher being. All the ‘anshas’ will eventually become a part of larger entity. This clearly indicates the presence of a distinct reality within us that is god himself and that god does not want food, clothing or shelter. His needs are somewhat different from our own.

This soul or ‘atma’ craves for togetherness. As the basics of chemistry teach us, the smallest individual entity , the ‘atom’ combines with more of its kind to for a molecule.
To put the want of togetherness and social contact in place, we shall now again take the path of a physical science. (note that to explain a social phenomenon too, help of a physical science has been taken which only indicates that all things are interdependent on each other.)

The smallest ‘cell’ is ‘I’ or the ‘atma’. Cells of the same kind combine to form a ‘tissue’. And various tissues again make an ‘organ’. Henceforth several organs working together, however made up with different tissues catering to different functions of life, make an ‘organism’. The science is plain and clear. A cell or an atom is nothing in itself. Though independent it needs the fulfilment of attaching itself to a group.
So, when the basic need of every one of us is to be together and to create bonds, why each being feels detached and isolated? Why does one cannot fulfil his desires? Why can one ‘atma’ find it difficult to connect to the almighty?
The answer is as simple as what we have been hearing since being born. It’s our lifestyle and more dominantly the situations that one actually forces upon himself to face without a particular reason or justification.
No wonder all of us are striving to become what we have been asked to become. In this situation, the condition becomes extremely explosive as neither the ones who obey can feel good, nor the ones who disobeyed will be left out of the punishment zone.
It all depends on how our minds have been conditioned. It is very obvious that we are told not to disobey our elders or to raise our voice against them, at the same time it is told to us not to resist anything bad or not to give up to something that is against our wishes. If both the possibilities are related and seen in just one person, whom should one choose?
In another similar example, we can have a look at how a typical ‘bahu’ is depicted in the daily soaps. We can see a nagging ‘saas’ as always. The ‘bahus’ however fall in two different categories. The first bahu is the obedient case who listens to whatever her saas tells her. She does not resist to the duty, but nevertheless feels bad for what she has to face. Even then she won’t comment or speak out because of what she has been told to do. She was brought up as not an obedient child who feels it is bad to speak against the wishes of an elder and who in turn supresses her natural revolt towards the ‘saas’ in order to maintain the peace of her family.

On the other hand we find the ‘rebellious bahu’. The one who won’t give up on her rights and the one who would speak out in case she finds injustice or prejudice covering the heart of the various family matters popping now and then. This ‘bahu’ is not liked by other members of the family openly and she has to face a literal isolation. However, from the inside everybody wants to be like her because then she acts as a vent to the other’s frustrations as well.
Basically there is no way out of being spared of that punishment. When u find that you have to choose between your happiness and the traditions, I would urge all to become what they feel they are. What good would the suppression of your small pleasures do to you.
We all are fairly ignorant creatures. Ignorance of some parts of our body, ignorance of some parts of our soul, ignorance of some part of our world. I know its too big a world to know all. But then, we can condense our concerns at least to ourselves.

why would androgyny stay? (part 2)

androgyny is all about flexibility and not about rigidity. it is a free flow of a person as he/she is and not as he/she should be. what matters the most is that if a person is comfortable in the skin that he/she is in.

in the last post we had a talk about how can a few androgynous people behave in public. there may be times when such behavior is not tolerated. specially in a society that is divided on the basis of very rigid gender roles. it may not be a very good idea for a women to have short hair, to drink and smoke. even if she does so successfully, there are ample chances that she will be taken first as a rebel and then as an easy target. yes, an easy target for jokes as well as the sexual fantasy to men who cannot enjoy her company otherwise. and this mentality, of taking and alternative lifestyle as an opposing lifestyle brings about many many complex situations to the girl.

on the other hand, in a society where 'boys  don't cry' is a ruling phrase it might be equally difficult for a man to express himself openly. if he does so, he is challenging the norms of manliness and in turn bringing shame to his people. in the end, either this male becomes an easy target again or he has to adopt a false cloak of the so-called manly attire just to fit in.

Long ago i read about sexual and asexual reproduction in the biology class. asexual reproduction, which happens in the case of division of the cell nucleus in to two or many identities is certainly not as good an option as sexual reproduction. sexual reproduction gives the species a chance to create similar organisms. yes, they are similar and not identical. which means that they can live better in case of an epidemic and at least some would have a chance to survive because of the slight difference in each one of them. hence, each generation come sup with newer combination of genes and better chances of survival.

in such cases, if i view the gender rigid society with the same spectacle, m sure that the people who can swing both ways or who are in touch with both their male and female sides have a better rate of survival as compared to those who don't. even studies have shown that there are two sides of the brain. if we use them both in proper ratios we are better off as compared to others and if if we use only one side more than the other, it is evident that we will be more confused in a perplexed situation.

The atma has nothing to do with being male or female. it is genderless, sexless, omnipotent and omnipresent. then why waste time on making differentiation according to the genitals. lets be a part of a better world.  More about the atma, in the next post. 

survival of the fittest... why would androgyny stay?

this world has become too competitive for the survival of the weak or the underprivileged... we all have grown up with somewhat similar conditioning since childhood. Life is a race. is it?

i came across a term 'androgyny' which was interesting enough to increase my curiosity. this term is a kind of acronym of two words 'andro' meaning male and 'gyny' meaning female. it means a person who does not identify with any of the typical male-female gender roles. these people are completely genderless on the basis of their mental prowess or they are a striking combination of male and female traits in a balanced state.

it is believed by a lot of researchers as well as by me that in situation of crisis as well as of the complex and pressurizing social structure that we are living in today, the chances of survival of an androgynous person are far better than a typically male or a typically female person.

the reason behind this selection process is that an androgynous person is better equipped to handle dynamic circumstances around him/her. a male can be in touch with his female side and a female can be in touch with her male side. therefore one can be instrumental, analytic, sentimental, communicative, nurturing and protecting all at the same time. but androgynous people may face a big problem regarding their gender.

many androgynous people do not fit into their gender specific roles. there can be a high testosterone female who adopts shorter hairstyles, wear leather jackets and drinks just like men. then there can be men who are quite in touch with their female side. they may cry while watching movies and can sometimes behaves in a very feminine manner in intense situations.

what happens when androgynous people face a gender identity crisis? to be answered in the next post.

Free birds and the cage.....Male issues

everybody needs somebody. i meet a lot of men in daily life. maybe because my occupation makes me do so. i meet men who are intelligent, creative and positively 'men of substance'.  they walk in style, they talk in style, they wear those branded clothes, speak with an accent, are talented and know all about making a woman laugh through all those manuals and self help books for men that tell them how to catch the right bird. 

each and everything about them makes me believe that there could not be a better man. each and everything makes me believe, either that men i like are not extinct or that 'men' are actually a rare species... endangered, on the brink of extension.

but, one thing that bothers me a little, i have this little itch to try and hear the unsaid and finding hidden meaning in words. I hear voices....that voice of a man who socializes a lot, keeps in touch with a hell lotta people but somewhere he feels lonely. is there really an empty space?

why do u pretend? real life is not like the articles u read in men's magazines that tell you what women want. real life is not a race where your only motive to live is to plant ur sperms in as many women as possible. i knw that u have had  a good education, i knw ur life has been rather intresting, i knw that u hve a high paying job with a fancy position in the company, i knw u r womanizer( really???)

 

so why do u shout out these things, as loud as u can? who do u want to listen? why do u need to prove urself at every single thing? why do u explain the reason behind every casual remark u make? why do u say what lies there in ur heart followed by 'just kidding, dnt take it seriously'?  do u want love? are u really ready to go to any limits to get ur love? is this what u r doing to make people (and women to be specific) believe that u r wanted? is this who u really are?

U always say u r a free bird... but are u?

i guess there is a series of failed relationships(with whoever or whatever the relation is). i guess there is a want to be understood, heard and shared. do u want somebody to listen to you, without judging you or giving you stupid, useless suggestions that u know won't work out.

do u want someone to keep calling you, texting you the whole day long, even when u don't want her to? but u still abide. it just reminds u that u r not alone. she cares n she loves u. do u want to come home to lose urself in her warmth? smell the delicious food that she has cooked for u and then engage in long hours of passionate, sensuous love making? yeah, its love making, its not mere sex. its something else, something more enjoyable, something more satisfying.

u r a free bird, looking for a cage to spend the time of ur life....

i dont know where would u find ur cage... bt i m sure that whenever u ll find it, it ll be worth the wait, worth the time u spend without her.....

u have all rights to laugh over this...

In The Closet- Marrying a Homosexual

so the question is not only about alternate sexuality coming out of the closet. it is also about the the norms in the society that do not let a thousand others accept the truth in their life. in a large part of the world, homosexuality is  treated as a sin, you are condemned to hell if you commit this crime. our values and the institution of marriage has really become more than a pain to be tolerated by the alternate sexuality group.

so, a gay is not supposed to marry a girl and if he is married, he is certainly not gay. so in a situation where a homosexual gets marries to a straight woman or a man, would there be an explosion or will the spouse live in a anxiety that he/she could never affect their partners. on the other hand would the person in question always be able to live the dual life, pretending to be straight while completely aware of his/her sexuality.

i have read numerous articles over the internet about spouses, especially women who were married to an alternate sexuality bearer and were later shattered to pieces on discovering the reality. so who is to blame? two people brought up in the same society who have been  taught the same about alternate sexuality, about sins and about crimes and hell, may be scared of alternate sexuality in a similar fashion. if it is difficult for the straight spouse to accept the sexuality of his/her partner, it is equally tough for the alternate sexuality bearer to accept his sexuality and refuse to follow the rules of society, while he knows that he may be forced to live a life that is full of mockery. who is to blame now?

i believe that our norms are so rigid that they sometimes restrict our right to breathe freely. we are not a good society if we cannot live the way we want to live or if a person is somehow forced to ruin his life and that of others just for the sake of getting married.

there is certainly no future for this marriage in name. yes, there are couples who accept the identity of one of the partners and continue living their lives together. but for a others, it may turn out to be a nightmare.

there is a long way to go before the world actually acknowledges the fact the alternate sexuality bearer may have a respectful existence in the society. till the time, i do not see any harm in a straight partner marrying the gay if they both are aware of the pros and cons of the union. however, if you are married to a gay without the knowledge of his sexuality or that you do not feel comfortable in this union, it is better to stay calm and look for a concrete solution. one cannot blame your spouse for being what he/she is and so shouldnt you. however, i realize it is a tough decision and it may really take you through a phase of trauma, anxiety and a feeling of worthlessness, but in the end its all about your life and the choices you have made in order to make it what it is.

always remember that it is you and only you who can control the path of your life. so leave all the depression and negative feelings aside and start life afresh. god bless!!!