survival of the fittest... why would androgyny stay?

this world has become too competitive for the survival of the weak or the underprivileged... we all have grown up with somewhat similar conditioning since childhood. Life is a race. is it?

i came across a term 'androgyny' which was interesting enough to increase my curiosity. this term is a kind of acronym of two words 'andro' meaning male and 'gyny' meaning female. it means a person who does not identify with any of the typical male-female gender roles. these people are completely genderless on the basis of their mental prowess or they are a striking combination of male and female traits in a balanced state.

it is believed by a lot of researchers as well as by me that in situation of crisis as well as of the complex and pressurizing social structure that we are living in today, the chances of survival of an androgynous person are far better than a typically male or a typically female person.

the reason behind this selection process is that an androgynous person is better equipped to handle dynamic circumstances around him/her. a male can be in touch with his female side and a female can be in touch with her male side. therefore one can be instrumental, analytic, sentimental, communicative, nurturing and protecting all at the same time. but androgynous people may face a big problem regarding their gender.

many androgynous people do not fit into their gender specific roles. there can be a high testosterone female who adopts shorter hairstyles, wear leather jackets and drinks just like men. then there can be men who are quite in touch with their female side. they may cry while watching movies and can sometimes behaves in a very feminine manner in intense situations.

what happens when androgynous people face a gender identity crisis? to be answered in the next post.

Free birds and the cage.....Male issues

everybody needs somebody. i meet a lot of men in daily life. maybe because my occupation makes me do so. i meet men who are intelligent, creative and positively 'men of substance'.  they walk in style, they talk in style, they wear those branded clothes, speak with an accent, are talented and know all about making a woman laugh through all those manuals and self help books for men that tell them how to catch the right bird. 

each and everything about them makes me believe that there could not be a better man. each and everything makes me believe, either that men i like are not extinct or that 'men' are actually a rare species... endangered, on the brink of extension.

but, one thing that bothers me a little, i have this little itch to try and hear the unsaid and finding hidden meaning in words. I hear voices....that voice of a man who socializes a lot, keeps in touch with a hell lotta people but somewhere he feels lonely. is there really an empty space?

why do u pretend? real life is not like the articles u read in men's magazines that tell you what women want. real life is not a race where your only motive to live is to plant ur sperms in as many women as possible. i knw that u have had  a good education, i knw ur life has been rather intresting, i knw that u hve a high paying job with a fancy position in the company, i knw u r womanizer( really???)

 

so why do u shout out these things, as loud as u can? who do u want to listen? why do u need to prove urself at every single thing? why do u explain the reason behind every casual remark u make? why do u say what lies there in ur heart followed by 'just kidding, dnt take it seriously'?  do u want love? are u really ready to go to any limits to get ur love? is this what u r doing to make people (and women to be specific) believe that u r wanted? is this who u really are?

U always say u r a free bird... but are u?

i guess there is a series of failed relationships(with whoever or whatever the relation is). i guess there is a want to be understood, heard and shared. do u want somebody to listen to you, without judging you or giving you stupid, useless suggestions that u know won't work out.

do u want someone to keep calling you, texting you the whole day long, even when u don't want her to? but u still abide. it just reminds u that u r not alone. she cares n she loves u. do u want to come home to lose urself in her warmth? smell the delicious food that she has cooked for u and then engage in long hours of passionate, sensuous love making? yeah, its love making, its not mere sex. its something else, something more enjoyable, something more satisfying.

u r a free bird, looking for a cage to spend the time of ur life....

i dont know where would u find ur cage... bt i m sure that whenever u ll find it, it ll be worth the wait, worth the time u spend without her.....

u have all rights to laugh over this...

In The Closet- Marrying a Homosexual

so the question is not only about alternate sexuality coming out of the closet. it is also about the the norms in the society that do not let a thousand others accept the truth in their life. in a large part of the world, homosexuality is  treated as a sin, you are condemned to hell if you commit this crime. our values and the institution of marriage has really become more than a pain to be tolerated by the alternate sexuality group.

so, a gay is not supposed to marry a girl and if he is married, he is certainly not gay. so in a situation where a homosexual gets marries to a straight woman or a man, would there be an explosion or will the spouse live in a anxiety that he/she could never affect their partners. on the other hand would the person in question always be able to live the dual life, pretending to be straight while completely aware of his/her sexuality.

i have read numerous articles over the internet about spouses, especially women who were married to an alternate sexuality bearer and were later shattered to pieces on discovering the reality. so who is to blame? two people brought up in the same society who have been  taught the same about alternate sexuality, about sins and about crimes and hell, may be scared of alternate sexuality in a similar fashion. if it is difficult for the straight spouse to accept the sexuality of his/her partner, it is equally tough for the alternate sexuality bearer to accept his sexuality and refuse to follow the rules of society, while he knows that he may be forced to live a life that is full of mockery. who is to blame now?

i believe that our norms are so rigid that they sometimes restrict our right to breathe freely. we are not a good society if we cannot live the way we want to live or if a person is somehow forced to ruin his life and that of others just for the sake of getting married.

there is certainly no future for this marriage in name. yes, there are couples who accept the identity of one of the partners and continue living their lives together. but for a others, it may turn out to be a nightmare.

there is a long way to go before the world actually acknowledges the fact the alternate sexuality bearer may have a respectful existence in the society. till the time, i do not see any harm in a straight partner marrying the gay if they both are aware of the pros and cons of the union. however, if you are married to a gay without the knowledge of his sexuality or that you do not feel comfortable in this union, it is better to stay calm and look for a concrete solution. one cannot blame your spouse for being what he/she is and so shouldnt you. however, i realize it is a tough decision and it may really take you through a phase of trauma, anxiety and a feeling of worthlessness, but in the end its all about your life and the choices you have made in order to make it what it is.

always remember that it is you and only you who can control the path of your life. so leave all the depression and negative feelings aside and start life afresh. god bless!!!

Part 2.. Gender, Sex and Various Sexualities

to move forward in my discussion about sexuality issues, i would first like to make the readers know what sexuality stands for and how different it is from your gender.

this post is dedicated to defining what gender and various sexualities stand for and also to make the readers aware that there are many many more sexual orientations other than heterosexual or homosexual, which can somehow be a part of their personality, in greater or lesser degree.

We have to understand that belonging to a particular gender is entirely different from your sexual orientation. lets first understand what gender means.

Gender- gender means the socially acceptable definitions of being male or female. it is more of a social norm. gender can be male, female or neutral.

Biological Sex- biological sex is a more scientifically approved definition of being male or female. it is your definitive identity depending upon your physical appearance and also on the various hormones that make you what you are i.e. male or female.

Sexuality- sexuality is the way one expresses himself/herself sexually. in more common terms, we can say that sexuality refers to our sexual preferences and our behavior, expectations and erotic/sexual experiences that we receive during the act of love making. or to put it more simple, what kind of sexual creatures we are.

now we have to understand that the views that we have regarding our sexuality are not wrong. however they represent only a part of the larger picture. in an orthodox and rigid setup, we may believe that a man has sexual feelings only for a woman and a woman has sexual feelings only for a man, which may or may not be applicable universally.

The Sexuality Spectrum :

now we will look at the different types of sexualities accepted by science and psychology and also the various other terms that are used by people to define their sexuality, which are more general and new.

below three are the traditional scientifically accepted sexualities.

Heterosexuality- the sexual preference for people who belong to the biologically opposite sex. Like a man has  sexual desire for a woman and a woman has the same desire for a man. this is the usual sexuality pattern that we are used to. we have been seen this in our families and atmosphere. mother-father, brother-sister, male-female. it is the classic model of representation of sexuality where opposites attract each other.

Homosexuality-  this is the most commonly known alternate sexuality. homosexuality refers to the sexual preference for someone who belongs to your own biological sex. it represents man to man relationships (commonly called 'gay') and woman to woman relationships (commonly called 'lesbians')

Bisexuality- this is a term that is applied to people who are comfortable in feeling and expressing sexual desires for both the sexes. for example : a man may involve in sexual relations with another man as well as he can connect to a female. similarly, a woman may also connect to another woman, the same way that she can connect to a man.

apart from these, there are various other sexualities that have come to surface and have been either accepted scientifically or have been gaining ground as the people who belong to these groups have come out openly defining their orientation. the following list contains various sexualities that i know about( it is not an all inclusive list, there may be other terms or sexualities as well apart from the list)

Asexuality- when a person does not feel attracted to any other person sexually. this group may contain Gray Asexuality which means an occasional sexual attraction. people who belong to this group may also pretend to belong to a certain sexuality socially which is referred to as Demi Sexuality.


Pansexuality- pansexuality or Omnisexuality refers to the ability to feel sexual desire, affection, attachment to all gender or sexualities. for example- a pansexual male or female may feel sexual desires for a homosexual, a heterosexual, asexual, pansexual, polysexual, monosexual or any other person belonging to all sexualities. gender or sexuality is not a considerable factor when it comes to feeling sexual attraction for these people.

Polysexuality- different to bisexuality and pansexuality. it is lying somewhere in between where a person may feel sexual attraction to more than one/two gender or sexuality. but not all. for example : a polysexual may like heterosexuals, homosexuals, transsexuals, third gender but not pansexuals or monosexuals.

Transsexual(ity)- when a person does not identify with his/her biological sex ans wants to be a member of the opposite sex instead. it is done in a long set of hormonal therapies, treatments and operations after which the physical identity of the person become different from his biological sex at birth.

Monosexuality- a monosexual is a person who keeps his sexual preferences limited to only a certain sex or gender. he may either be heterosexual or homosexual. they are not opening themselves to sexual experiences, desires or fantasies with any other, but the sex that they have chosen. for example - one may be a heterosexual male and chose only heterosexual female. this term is also used in place of Unisexuality and is not used commonly.

Pomosexual- a person who does not identify with or does not like to define his sexuality under a specific pre-defined label or tag.

There are various other terms and definitions that tell us how huge the sexuality spectrum is. but are these demarcations rigid? is there anything as sexual fluidity? can a person be heterosexual at adolescence and homosexual later? answers to these questions in the next two posts....

Sex & Sexuality....part 1- introduction

there has been a great deal of hush-hush talk on sexuality. what offends me is that my friends, my peers and people who are even 10 or 20 years older to me do not understand what sexuality stands for. girls freak out when i tell them that i like lying on my stomach and rubbing the back of my shoulder. they baffle when i tell them that i appreciate a woman's body and the way that she has been made. they take huge offences when i tell them that i support alternate sexualities- ones that don't exist in the mainstream dogmatic world.

no wonders i am being considered a homosexual myself. but that does not matter. its not what you think about me that will make a difference. it is what you think about yourself that will. Men are generally known to be fond of their apparatus and learn to fondle, touch n jerk off at an early age. the same is not the case with girls. some are not even aware of how their genitalia looks like, what all parts is it composed of and most importantly, is it just for being used by a man or it really has the capacity to pleasure them?

it is a confusing state. gender and sexuality. there will be numerous posts after this which would narrate my views on sex and sexuality. for now, i would like to focus on general issues. the first being the difference in the views of men and women on sex and sexuality. it would really be a very interesting scene when an all girl peer group comes to know about the sexuality of one of them-maybe she is a lesbian. what would the girls do now? maybe the alternate sexuality bearer would be teased. that is how girls react in normal situations. girls mostly pose a mental, emotional or psychological threat on the victim. so she is teased, tormented and mocked. if the male counterparts come to know of her sexuality, they may view her as an object- a satisfying new experience.

on the other hand, a group of guys come to know of the sexuality of one of their peers. i have heard numerous accounts of innocent young guys with alternate sexuality being raped by their own friends. they were not only used as a means to the satisfaction of sexual urges but also as a source of entertainment. here, the physical torment is more but the emotional torture is similar.

what really surprises me is that whoever talks about sexuality or actually belongs to the queer group is taken as a sexually pervert person. discovering your sexuality means that one's mind is perverted, all you think of is sex and that too unnatural sex. they are thought of as people who have completely detested themselves from all other human functions but sex. so is it really true? is queer sexuality really a westernized concept or has it existed in our society ever since. will talk about all this later.